“A moment of self compassion can change your entire day, a string of such moments can change the course of your life” – Christopher Germer

As part of this months book club we are reading Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

Opening the chapter on perfectionism immediately gave me anxiety and fear because I know that I’ve got a lot of work to do with self compassion and this so called perfectionism that I pretend I do not have.

As long as I can remember I’ve always focused on giving compassion to others no matter what, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs. However, it happened my world was turned upside down one day. When I was told you can not continue to negative self talk yourself anymore! You wouldn’t surely speak to your friends that way would you? So.. why are you constantly doing it to yourself on a daily basis.

Before digging deep into this book my rough definition of perfectionism was

“going above and beyond and being perfect at everything you do or say including but not limited to the way I look, speak, dress, act, and above ALL earning approval and ACCEPTANCE from EVERYONE” regardless if I even knew them well enough or not

I’ve never been obsessed with perfectionism but from a very early age I was taught this overall concept of perfectionism. Focusing more on what “others” thought or would say if I did not do something to their liking or “standards” was I good enough for them?

YEARS and years of this behavior leads you down a deep dark path of “I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it”

The three P’s start manifesting in your daily thoughts Please, Perform, Perfect all while hoping to avoid or mask SHAME ( we are not good enough) I truly believe this is how the majority of women and maybe even men think and get an overwhelming feeling of carrying around who Brené calls a “twenty ton shield” we think will protect us from feeling SHAME.

Holy smokes.. my socks were blown off after reading what Brené talks about as ” Healthy striving is self focused – How can I improve? Where as perfectionism is other focused- What will they think?” this makes me starting wondering is it possible to change this mindset and myself….?

I’ve discovered and realized the need to learn the real difference between the two because it is essential to laying down the shield of Blame, judgement, and shame and choosing LIFE one filled WITHOUT perfectionism!

YOU.. may be asking yourself why do I want to stop striving for PERFECTIONISM? Well here are two reasons why:

First off perfectionism is self destructive at it’s core and completely impossible to be perfect at everything you do on a daily basis, let alone being perfect for the rest of your life. Growth tends to happen when you step outside your comfort zone and you can not expect to change to happen if you are not willing to change! When you starting moving towards change you will definitely encounter moments where you do not know everything about what you were working towards accomplishing it is physically impossible.

Secondly perfectionism is addictive in nature by the simple fact when we experience judgement shame and blame we believe deep down inside WE weren’t perfect ENOUGH! We tend to enter this vicious cycle of looking for ways to become perfect in every way by focusing on the way we act, look, and think. Never ending mantra ” I am NOT good enough”

Brave Sisters we have to begin breaking this cycle RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!

I want to inspire you what ever season you are in, where ever you are on this planet earth to claim today ” I am ENOUGH” in this moment, every moment from here on out.. no matter what anyone says or believes.

There is no better time to start then NOW… tearing down the giant wall you have built around you and removing the heavy burden you have been carrying around your entire life.

Embrace your imperfections and start loving YOURSELF wholeheartedly and off as much compassion to yourself as you can right now. You will allow your vicious cycle to change little by little and eventually move towards offering not only yourself courage and compassion but you will feel more connected to others at a deeper level.

Relying on the old “fake it till you make it” concept is a good place to start however, I would like to introduce you to a new concept

“FAITH IT TILL YOU MAKE IT”

Having faith and believing is sometimes exactly what you need in the moments of darkness.

“Light can only truly shine bright in complete darkness” -Two Brave Sisters

DIG DEEP:

Get Deliberate: Be aware and mindful of those over identified feelings “Be kind to yourself; this is not a big deal”

Get Inspired: There is a crack in everything that’s how light gets in” Imperfections do not mean we aren’t good enough were all in this together IMPERFECTLY together!

Get Going: wake up everyday “Today I’m going to believe that showing up is ENOUGH”

Tonight I pray these words ” Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you”

Your Brave Sister- Liza Jean